Sirius, I'm seriously missing you
by SuperficiallyInTheMaking
Summary: With Sirius gone Remus feels how it is to lose another fellow Marauder, another best friend. Feeling more alone than ever, he'll somehow learn how to get back on his feet again


A/N: This is a fic I did in honor of Remus and Sirius and I do not own the lovely J. K. Rowling's creations but have you ever thought that Remus and Sirius would be together after all those years they've been friends. I just hope you'll like this and that you won't hunt me down if you think elsewise. Peace, Love and Mischief Managed.

Sirius, I'm seriously missing you

By SuperficiallyInTheMaking

He was left sitting alone in Dumbledore's office, Shacklebolt went back to help out the mishap that happened in the Ministry and Albus went to talk to Harry but before he left he handed Remus a stone saying: "This is not the end." They three were recently talking about Harry's protection and such but Remus could barely contain his mixed feelings.

He was feeling tense now that You-Know-Who is back, scared, confused, angry and hurt not because Voldemort was back but because he lost someone he loved dearly. Sirius Orion Black III. He died in the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange, leaving Remus all alone, he'd rather think that Sirius was still in Azkaban at least then he could stay up at night thinking of ways to break him out of that hell hole but no, he's dead and the only thoughts that will be haunting him day and night was the reality that he's gone and never will he get back. Nothing will be the way it used to be. No more Padfoot. It hurt the most because he couldn't do anything about it, he just wanted to run away and forget all this, that this is all just a crazy nightmare and he'd wake up in the morning with Sirius beside him in bed in Grimmauld Place and continue on the day like everything is normal.

He clutched the small black stone running his thumb over a smooth part of it, looking around the room noticing the people in the portraits had gone. The brown shaggy haired man stood up and paced the room but after a while he stopped in front the fire watching it intently remembering how a mischievous friend used to talk to him through it. Emotion, again, flooded his heart leaving him feeling heavy and broken and he wasn't sure when but sobs began racking his shoulders and tears were falling down the floor in front the fireplace his insides felt like an empty pit that only Sirius could fill but now he had to accept that he was gone but he wasn't sure how to do that, how to do anything. Then a crazy idea entered his confused mind. He leaned his elbow on the ledge, still holding the stone on the other hand and clutched his mess of brunette hair thinking, _if only I could always be transformed into a werewolf I would feel nothing and forget everything. It was going to be easier not remembering. _

Suddenly strong arms held his shaking form; it was firm yet comforting like the night he found Sirius again. It was a full moon and Harry, Ron, Hermione and Pettigrew were there and he was fully hoping that Sirius would be pronounced free and Pettigrew will finally take the punishment for his actions. He felt peace and relief that night, being in the shadows for 13 years not really knowing the truth, but it was a happy yet sad feeling when he found out what really happened James and Lily Potter died, he knew Sirius could never do it but who knew that Peter the quiet, nervous one would betray all of them. Sirius was just framed and only Remus knew exactly who Sirius truly was deep down and who he wanted to be but because of his curse he endangered their lives and took away Sirius' chance of being a free man.

Oh, how he hated the half glimpses he remembered every time he was slipping away but this one he specifically remembered. It was a less painful transformation as his body started taking a werewolf's form he heard the muffled voice of an angel soothing him, making him hold to his humanity as long as possible and the blurry vision he sported but Remus was sure Sirius was there and that eased his pain but most of all he remembered Sirius' arms wrapped around him, it almost felt like an embrace of comfort telling him that they were in this together like they always have. That alone and everything seemed brighter, Sirius didn't make him feel like a slave to the moon, a cursed monster. He saw him as a friend and even more, someone special. Many would reject and abandon when they find out who he was forced to become but Sirius was always there patting his back or squeezing his shoulder in reassurance. He even took up the closest thing he can become to be like Remus so he wouldn't feel alone, a dog.

"Shh, I'm here. Don't worry you'll get through this," the one and only Sirius Black who was hugging him from behind said holding more tightly.

Remus faced the black haired man, looking him directly in the eye, "H-h-ow—how did you?" it was given that this would not be a normal meeting.

Sirius brushed his fingers over Remus' hand that was wrapped on the stone, "The resurrection stone," he gave a sad smile, "I asked Dumbledore to give it to you when I had to leave."

Moony shook his head and started to smile; he suddenly attacked Sirius in a hug, "I thought you were gone! Never do anything that stupid again, I thought I lost you."

"God, I miss your smile," Sirius whispered inaudibly as his throat felt like choking on tears. He remained still not really knowing how to explain it to the man he loved that he can't stay. Not like this.

And noticing Sirius' stiffness he pulled away looking at the other trying to figure out what the problem was, "Is everything all right?" he asked in a small voice.

Shaking his head, "I'm not staying, this is not right. The stone will just string my soul here, only you could see me. You'll just keep holding on. It's not normal."

"I'm not sure I'm following you on this."

"I asked Dumbledore to give you the stone to you not so I can stay here but so I can say goodbye actually," he explained.

Remus didn't know what hurt more transforming into a werewolf or hearing this.

"I'm dead, Moony. There are some things even magic can't fix and the stone doesn't change the fact that I'm dead," then he shrugged and sat Lupin in a chair while he sat on a table, "but considering how I died I feel sort of happy that it happened that way."

"How can being killed be a happy thing to you?" shocked he asked.

"Well it could've been worse, imagine if they gave me the Dementor's Kiss instead," Sirius mused fondly. It was amazing how he was dead yet he still managed to make cracks about it.

"You can't kiss anyone else and stop talking like that," Remus said all too quickly, jumping up from his seat. A blush crept on his cheeks at his jealous remark even there was nothing romantic about kissing a Dementor but it was clear that he was not taking the joke well.

"Stop talking like what?"

"Stop talking like everything is fine when it isn't, like it's okay for you to be dead. It's not. It will never be," he wanted to be mad at Sirius but he knew that was just simply impossible.

Sirius stood up too and held the other's hand, "I'm sorry and I would never kiss anyone else besides you. You know that, right?" he looked at Remus' avoiding eyes patiently, sincerely until he was forced to do his all too familiar big eye pleading look making him similar to a cute little puppy and he bit his lip to really just win the other over when Remus wouldn't budge.

Remus looked down to his lips remembering the countless times he kissed them. If people say when you kiss _the one_ it was as if fireworks were setting off. Boy, were they missing out if that was the case because to Remus when he was kissing Sirius he felt like his body was being shocked leaving him tingling, he felt like there was no other place he'd rather be but with Sirius, he felt complete and everything else was gone. It was just the two of them. Remus and Sirius.

Slowly he nodded but Sirius saw a little reluctance so he made him sit back down and he in turn sat on his wolf's lap.

"Look we both knew I'm not going to be around forever. I just escaped Azkaban and it would only be a matter of time before they found me again," Remus couldn't deny that he knew Sirius was right, "though I was surprised that it came a little too soon," Lupin looked down at their hands that were unconsciously entwined, it was simply automatic to them, "And I thought about the different ways that would turn out, how I would die and what would happen afterwards. I always figured I'd be the first of us to go but after all those thinking it was always you who I wound up thinking of. And no matter what I do or say I can never deny that I want you to be happy."

"I can never be selfish with you, Rem," Lupin looked up at the mention of the nickname only Sirius could call him to find the other's grey orbs staring lovingly at his brown ones, "I don't care how much it will suck to know I can never grow old with you and see the fist strand of silver hair on you smart ass head and tease you about it but it would pain me the most if I didn't let you share that experience with another person who can be there for you in ways I can't" he gave Remus' hand a squeeze, "I won't hold you back, Moony," Remus' eyes seemed glassy with the tears brimming but he didn't want this to be harder for Sirius because he knew he wasn't the only one hurting because of this.

"I don't want you to miss out on your life just because I was stupid enough to get killed, I don't want you to take the blame either. You've given me so much already and it would be cruel of me to take away the time you have, the future you can have. I know this is not the way you wanted things to turn out but neither did I. I know it's not going to be easy and it never was but I know you're strong enough to face whatever comes in your way. You always have been," Sirius caressed his cheek with his free hand, "but never think for even a second that I would leave you because I'll always be watching over you, I'll listen to you when no one does, hear how you're day was, I'll be beside you in your biggest fears, when you're alone or hurting," a tear slipped out of Remus' eye and Sirius wiped it away with his thumb, "and I'll be waiting for you as long as it takes."

As more tears slid down Remus' cheeks he spoke, his quivering voice was almost like a whisper, "No one can replace you, Siri. Not in a million years. If there is any way to have you back you know I would. Even if it was just a little time, it's better than nothing," he clutched the resurrection stone more tightly, his hand sweating around it, "The only thing I regret the most I did, I wish I spent more time with you," his breath was shaky as he exhaled, "You have no idea how much I miss you already."

Sirius' mouth was set in a line clearly avoiding spilling his own tear not because he did not want to look weak but because he wanted to be strong for Remus, besides he didn't even know if he was capable of having tears, "I will miss you too," he shrugged hopelessly while giving a sad smile, "Every single second, never forget."

He would not hold Remus. He could never. His shut his eyes as he pressed his forehead against Remus.

"I'll never forget," Remus' hot breath hit his and his heart almost dropped; "I guess this is goodbye?"

He shook his head, "No, not really. I'll just see you when I see you," then grabbed Remus' face and kissed him so lovingly he thought he would melt. He knew Remus' didn't want to let go but he had to so he took the other's hand prying it open and leading the hand to hover above the table and he turned it over letting the stone drop.

The kiss turned lighter and lighter as Sirius started going away. Remus relished in it, committing it to memory or else he'd just think it was a brush of wind until it just turned to the brushing of their lips and before everything was gone he heard Sirius whisper in a voice so gentle he was scared even the air around them could break it.

"I love you, Rem…"

He opened his eyes again and there he sat in the same chair he was left in, the same room. It could have been just a dream but Remus was sure it was real for when he said, "I love you too, Siri," and light warm air brushed his cheek, just like a kiss.

_I'll see you when I see you_, he thought standing up and leaving the room. That's how he knew for sure that that definitely was not goodbye. He didn't need the stone, someone else would be helped with it, and he had Sirius with him. _Always._


End file.
